Tuesday, February 16, 2010

What to do when someone you love dies and leaves behind a bad Myspace page

Our twenties is not too young to start thinking about our last will and testament. Although we may not yet have acquired thousands of dollars worth of assets or families of our own, we do have some things that will need managing... like our Facebook, Twitter and Myspace accounts.

I, for example, have chosen to give the password to all of my social networking sites, including this blog to my boyfriend. If I happen to die unexpectedly, (get trampled in a Wal-Mart stampeed for example) I have given my boyfriend, by way of a post-it note, signed and dated, the orders to erase my precious Facebook, Myspace and Twitter accounts, immediately.

There is nothing creepier than wishing someone a happy birthday on their Myspace page after they're dead. "Happy Birthday Billy." Happy birthday Billy? Billy's dead. It's not happy birthday, it's Sad Birthday. Come on, sing along... "Sad Birthday to you, Sad birthday to you, Sad birthday to you. How old are you (if you were still alive) now? How old are you (if you were still alive) now?" (This sounds a lot less morbid if you sing it with a keyboard or in G on the guitar.)

I don't understand why someone would write on someone's Facebook or Myspace wall after they are gone? Do they think the afterlife is so unexciting that the spirits are checking their Myspace page to see who did and didn't wish them a Happy Birthday? Man, I hope not. Or, perhaps this is the modern day equivalent to bringing flowers to someone's grave site?

 I wonder if there is a sympathy flower app on Facebook so it can be like the real thing? If there isn't one already, I am patenting it.

A meaningless happy birthday wish isn't the only reason I want my social networking pages erased from history. I don't want to die with my last Facebook update about Jersey Shore floating there forever like a bad lower-back tattoo. And, the good thing about a lower back tattoo is that when you die it's gone but a bad Myspace profile is there forever.

I would at least want to go out with a genius yet hilarious update about something that means something to me, something deep and profound about the Buffalo Bills or Curb Your Enthusiasm.

All I know is that if I die, and I'm still on Facebook and Myspace, I'll know I'm officially in hell.


bob bentley said...

i've thought about this many times! ha

Dan said...

Good job thinking this one up. I need to have a manifesto ready for when I croak to have published on all my sites. Or at least a naked picture of my ass.